


seasons

by autumntea



Series: like real people do [1]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Ableism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, neah is up to shit as usual, red!allen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-12
Packaged: 2018-07-29 15:08:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7689277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/autumntea/pseuds/autumntea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Mana feels awfully familiar to Red.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. spring

 

 

Before Red knows it, spring has rolled by once again. Red has never really liked spring, because the flowers and trees always made him sneeze and it always rained harder than usual, which made it harder for him to do his work.

But this spring is… different than the others. First of all, he's not at that no good circus anymore, getting beaten half to death just for kicks. Secondly, he's on a caravan out of London, Mana Walker chattering excitedly by his side.

Mana is strange. After two and a half months of traveling with the clown, Red _wants_ to say that he’s beginning to trust Mana more, but he can’t.

Sure, he likes Mana a whole lot more than any other adult. He hasn’t hit him – yet - and doesn’t treat him like he’s disgusting or something to be ordered around because of his ghastly arm. In fact, he doesn't seem to care about Red’s arm at all and understands that Red can’t even move it. But then again, Mana also thinks that Red was Allen – the poor, sweet dog that he had buried the day he had met Red – who had turned into a human child, with a bum arm, a nasty attitude, and the ability to speak and hold the occasional conversation, which seemed perfectly plausible to him. Which leads Red to the solid fact that Mana is _extremely unpredictable_.

Mana is usually so cheerful and vibrant, but Red isn't stupid – he can see the inexplicably sad look in the clown’s eyes every now and then. He hears the way Mana whimpers apologies in his sleep some nights.

Red doesn’t ask why. Mana never brings it up. He never even seems to remember that he had dreams in the first place.

Red can’t trust him. Even though Mana is so kind and there is something so, _so_ familiar about him – something impossible clawing inside him, just on the tip of his tongue, waiting to get out – Red can’t do that to himself. He isn’t sure he could handle it if Mana actually does start hurting him like the others.

He likes to pretend that he wouldn’t care if Mana started lashing out at him – that he wouldn’t be surprised, because all of the other adults in his life did it – but deep, deep down, Red hopes that he won’t. No one had ever treated Red so kindly in his life, had never touched him in a way that wasn’t with intent to hurt or out of dire necessity. He had also bought Red new clothes and understood that he really did not want people to see his bright red arm and he fed Red every day. This was probably the strangest thing Red had experienced in his short life, but he doesn’t want to even dare let himself dwell on how it… kind of reminds him of the families that he would see at the circus or walking in town.

 _‘He thinks you’re a dog, stupid.’_ Red tells himself, desperately trying to quench the warm feeling in his chest.

“It feels like it’s going to be a cold night, Allen.” Mana hums light and airily, his strange gold eyes looking up at the cloudy sky. “It’ll probably be rain, but we should be able to find shelter in the next town over.”

Red huffs and pulls his legs closer to his chest, hiding his covered left arm in the leftover space on instinct. Going into a new town always makes him nervous, just in case the glove on his left hand gets ripped off. “Tha’ rain’s no big deal. S’just water.”

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t know I was dealing with an old man! You know, you’re probably the first child I’ve met that doesn’t like playing in the rain. I could have sworn that you used to love it.”

Red grits his teeth and shuffles in his spot; it’s not that he _didn’t like it_ or _never wanted to_ , it was that he _never got to_. He had always been so envious of the children who left the circus with their families, beaming and twirling around – sometimes in the rain, stomping delightfully in the puddles. It was so simple and made Red embarrassed, but he figured playing around in the rain would just be another thing he wouldn’t be able to do.

“Doesn’t seem interestin’.” Red lies, resting his chin on his knee.

“Ah, so does that mean you’ve never tried before?” Mana questions, his face so open and warm as he meets Red’s eyes. “I could have sworn that we have, but I suppose we’ll just have to next time it rains! Would you like that, Allen?”

“It’ll jus’ look strange.” Red mumbles, but Mana is so close that he hears it easily.

“Nonsense! It’ll be fun, I promise.” Mana says with such confidence that Red can’t find it within himself to argue.

Red doesn’t answer, but Mana doesn’t mind in the slightest.

A few minutes after their caravan lets them off within the borders of the closest town, a spring breeze rolls by and knocks Mana’s overly large top hat askew. The clown chuckles and takes it off, letting the breeze roll through his slicked back hair. With a mischievous look, Mana places the top hat on Red’s head, but it doesn’t stay. The brim sinks down past Red’s eyes to his nose, leaving him seeing nothing but black.

Spluttering, Red shoves the hat from over his eyes and glares up at Mana, his freckled cheeks burning. “What was tha’ for?! I don’ wan’ yer dumb hat!”

“Keep that safe for me, won’t you?” Mana asks, the corners of his warm eyes wrinkling as he smiles down at Red. “I haven’t felt a breeze like this in ages. For some reason, I feel like there’s something really special about the wind, but I can never remember why.”

Red puffs his flushed cheeks out and huffs through his nose. He bends down to pick up Mana’s hat from the dirt and places it back on his own head, balancing it so it won’t fall off or sink down again as they continue walking.

“Yer weird.”


	2. summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dreams start in summer.

The dreams start in summer. The air is hot and humid which makes sleeping miserable, but the dreams kick it up a notch.

They’re in no way bad dreams, which is exactly what scares Red about them.

Mana is _fun_. These days, Red finds himself genuinely happy, though sometimes he still finds himself flinching away from Mana’s touch half of the time, which the tactile clown has no issue with. But he likes to think that he's getting a little better with unexpected touches. 

To be honest, Red thinks he’s really lucky that he’s found Mana. The past year and a half with had been the best of his life, even if the man could be awfully strange at times, with his golden eyes, strange sense of humor, and the way he zoned out like he wasn’t even there sometimes. Red was even getting more and more used to being called Allen and – dare he say it – was starting to _like it_.

So, why the hell would he hate waking up from these dreams?

The dreams start off in either a desolate, snowy wasteland surrounded by a large lake, bare trees as white as the snow, and a large moon that reflects black in the lake or in a golden field of wheat with a tall tree and a soft breeze teasing his hair and tickling his nose.  Red has never been anywhere even remotely similar to these places, but they feel so familiar that he almost wants to cry.

Red is never alone in these dreams, either. He never sees any other humans, but he can tell that he’s not alone from the soft music that always seems to come from behind him, coaxing him to stay. No matter how fast he turns though, there is never anyone behind him. It's strange and Red always feels so unsettled once he wakes up and thinks about it, but in the dreams, he feels so relaxed or at peace. Mana never really relaxes and is always on the move – Red clearly remembers him saying that he was being hunted, though that still seemed like another one of the things that Mana believed just because he _wanted_ to – he’s always chattering and is like a one-man circus himself. 

The dreams are the opposite of Mana.

Everything is so still and at ease in the dreams, except for the gentle wind. It’s almost enough to make Red regret the fact that he has to wake up, which makes him feel extremely guilty because he genuinely cares for Mana.

At least they’re better than his usual dream,  where Cosimo, the ringmaster, other familiar faces from around the circus, and sometimes Mana – which always hurts the most - take turns beating and kicking him around, taunting that Mana could never possibly care for him like the loving fathers they pass on the streets. Why would he? After all, Red was just a no good demon brat who only had one working arm. That he could find a better child anywhere and Red is just a burden to him, nothing more than a dog. Those dreams are awful, while these dreams are more… unsettling.

He doesn’t bother telling Mana about the dreams – he figures that they’re his dreams and thusly his problem.

Mana sees that he’s more on edge because of them though, because he tries to give Red comfort through simple touches and by ruffling his large hands through Red’s dark red hair – which Mana insisted on recently giving a trim – and he also lets Red suggest more tricks for their acts.

Performing on the streets and in the odd circus is a lot more fun than Red could ever imagine, even though his outfit is kind of lame no matter what Mana says. Doing flips is like second nature to the boy by now and he’s only growing more and more flexible by the day, though most tricks that require two hands are out of reach for now.

“You’re going to surpass me soon, Allen!” Mana jokes, passing Red his dinner. “I think my bones are getting too old in his body. You’ll be doing cartwheels around me before we know it.”

“Nah, not soon.” Red denies, though he does feel happiness and what is probably pride stirring in his chest. “Yer too obnoxious ta stop bein’ a clown.”

“Aw, Allen! I’m not that obnoxious!”

“That’s what ye think.” Red taunts, turning his nose up and drawing a laugh from Mana.

Red finds that he loves making Mana laugh. Mana is someone that makes a living off of making people laugh and if Red can make _him_ laugh then well… he isn’t doing anything wrong then, is he?

But even then, everything isn’t perfect, because Red is not the only one dreaming; Mana’s dreams only seem to get worse as time goes on. He doesn’t say much in his sleep except for the apologies and other things that Red doesn't catch, but his reactions are getting so _loud_ that they scare Red awake, not that he minds.

Red usually finds himself having to wake Mana up, but this time, the clown is wide awake and panting, his head in between his knees.

“Mana?” He cautiously asks, feeling nervous when Mana jumps in surprise. “’re ye okay?”

“Did I wake you, Allen? I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry…” Mana sighs, his accent just peeking out. He reaches over and pets Red’s hair back. “You should try to fall back asleep lad; we’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”

Something deep inside of Red stirs – something that’s half him and half that familiar feeling – and he wants to tell Mana forget moving on tomorrow, that it would be fine, that _he_ would protect him. But… Red doesn’t exactly know how he would do that or where that came from. Instead, he reaches over and takes Mana’s hand, which makes the familiar feeling hum through his body in approval.

“Ye should sleep too, Mana.”

Mana smiles down at Red and lays back down himself, the bed creaking underneath his weight. Mana’s body is so tense that it’s clear that he’s not going to be getting anymore sleep tonight, which makes Red wonder just what Mana could have possibly dreamt. “Don’t worry, Allen. I’ll go right back to sleep, but growing boys need it even more.”

Red sighs and curls up with no little hesitation, though he has to force himself to close his eyes. He pressing his forehead into Mana’s back, hoping that he’s good enough to at least offer a little comfort to the clown.  

He’s asleep before he knows it and finds himself in the wasteland with the dead trees and the lake. As always, snow falls from the cloudless sky, but it isn’t freezing. In fact, Red never feels cold here, even though he can feel the snow falling on his skin.

Gentle singing starts up from behind him, the male voice soft and soothing, with an easy and gentle warmth so familiar that Red wants to curl up by one of the trees and sleep to the sound of the gentle lullaby.

Instead, he fights it and finds himself walking towards the lake. As usual, it reflects the land in a flurry of different colors, but this time there’s something so startlingly different, that Red jumps in shock and falls on his bottom into the snow which suddenly feels so, so cold. After a moment, the young boy apprehensively forces himself to creep back to the lake, crawling forward on cold, shaking limbs.

This time, there’s a black and white shadow where his reflection should be, with no features except for empty white eyes and a bright white grin that is impossible to miss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooo...... spooky..... what could it possibly be..........
> 
> I want to give a biiig thank you to everyone that has left a kudos and has bookmarked this! I really like this story a lot and I'm super relieved that people seem to be liking it, so I really appreciate everything! 
> 
> I also wanna clarify something about this line: ‘Mana sighs, his accent peeking out.’ Because Campbell is a name of Scottish origin, I figured that maybe the soup twins and Katerina might be Scottish?? Of course, we won't know this for sure until word from Hoshino. I figured that they were given lessons on how to make their accents lighter, but Mana talks really fast so he slips pretty often. 
> 
> Anyways, chapter 3 should be out next week!! Later days, ya'll :^)

**Author's Note:**

> so, I'm trying something new here ayeee...
> 
> this is going to be four chapters long and possibly lead into a bigger series, which I'm honestly really excited for if we're being real here. i'm really proud of this tbh...
> 
> and I just wanna point out something about Red's characterization here while I have the chance to. it might be a little off in comparison to canon, because he's referring to himself as 'Red' while Mana calls him 'Allen,' but I figure that he wouldn't see himself as 'Allen' right away, like the narrative in Lost Fragment of Snow does as soon as Mana starts calling him so. I always thought that was kind of weird, so I'm not doing that. to be frank, I don't think Red could be comfortable calling himself 'Allen' until after Mana dies and he starts wearing Mana's 'mask' but that should be something that I elaborate on in a future chapter :^). 
> 
> chapter two should be up sometime next friday!!


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